It's so interesting how the human brain works. At times, you can't recall a single detail, yet at other times you recall details that you will NEVER forget. This story for me, is one that will never leave me.
The year had to have been 1999, I was around 10 or 11 years old and in school, an all girls school that went from Kindergarten to 8th grade. In 4th grade, I was searching for a feeling of importance, I wanted to be like the cool adults I saw, I wanted to "adult". In 4th grade this meant, I wanted the phone to ring and have it be a call specifically for me! I also secretly wanted to receive mail. I never expressed this to anyone other than my mom but I wanted my very own mail....! Not the envelope that came addressed to the "household" nor an envelope that came in my moms name with the "...and family" tagline attached. I quietly yearned for my very own piece of mail addressed to me and me only. Something that I can open - All. By. Myself.
Everyday when my mom and I would pull into the garage after a long day, it was my job to get the mail. The mail slot was on our garage door and the mail would fall to the floor (eventually we put a box there to catch the incoming envelopes and grocery store ads). Day after day, I would pick up the mail, thumb through the envelopes searching for something with my name on it. Nothing. At times I would grab the ones that were addressed to the "Resident" and act as if they were mine. Proud and important! When mail comes to your house in your name, you've made it! (Little did I know, someday I would realize why my mom was never excited to get mail, I just did not understand especially since I wanted an envelope so badly. I learned alright! One word: BILLS!)
One day...unhappily thumbing through the mail...AGAIN, it happened, it finally happened - I received my very own envelope. Addressed to me - I didn't have to share the recipient address line with anyone! I was thrilled, and wanted to open it right away. Before I could get up the stairs from the garage and before my mom was able to get fully out of the car, I had begun tearing the envelope...The envelope didn't say who it was from, so I wanted to open it and see who sent me this coveted piece. I got through the outer envelope and it fell to the ground..."oooooh a card" I said. I open the card and I immediately notice a drawing. Lots of black (marker, crayon or colored pencil), then I noticed spots of red...like blood. I continued to look at the drawn picture to figure it out, but I just couldn't figure out why I was scared. I apparently had been standing in the doorway between the garage and the stairs leading up to the rest of the house for a long while. Yeah, it had to be a while because last thing I remember, my mom was climbing out the drivers seat door. She then had to grab all her bags and look through her mail that I left for her on the trunk of the other car in the garage. Next thing I know, she was behind me asking what was wrong. I think she asked me twice, but I couldn't speak the first time she asked. I was holding the card and silent tears began to fall. She asked again...and all I could say was "I got mail". She took the card and the tears really began to fall.
The card had many mean words and sayings on the left side (that I wont repeat), and the picture that caught my attention was on the right side. There was a drawn picture of Jesus hanging from the cross wearing the crown of thorns. There was red blood drawn all over his body and where the crown touched his head. This was all drawn on a black background and was extremely disturbing to view. The words were extremely disrespectful of me, my Christian faith and I was hurt. Scared.
We looked back at the envelope to see who it was from, but we didn't know. The reason we didn't know was because my name & address was written down for BOTH the return address label and the recipient label. This is how the envelope got to me with NO POSTAGE. They placed my name and address on the envelope twice so USPS thought I (the "sender") made a mistake and the envelope was "returned to sender"....ME! We automatically knew it was from someone at school...I would later find out that it was from 2 girls in my class who were of the Jewish faith. We had been friends since Kindergarten...we'd always been taught to be accepting and respectful...why me?
NEXT DAY
"Do you want to go to school today? Are you sure? I need to go and speak to your teachers and the school administrators but you can stay with grandma if you want..."
"NO! I want to go to school! I'm going. I want them to see me, that I'm okay!"
I kept saying to myself, *they don't win*
The 2 girls confessed at school and were suspended. As it was told to me, one girl had the idea, the other girl helped her and one of the girls' older brother came up with the no postage idea to ensure the envelope got to me. During their suspension they both had to write "I'm Sorry" letters to me which I received, kept and still have. Needless to say our friendship was never the same. But I am strong, I survived and I forgave them.
I chose to keep the school and the girls names private, but hate crimes of any kind are inexcusable. In life, there are times when people may treat us wrong but it is up to us to stand up for ourselves, forgive and take it all as a learning experience. I never realized how this affected my trust of people until I was in college. It makes perfect sense how my mind had me forget this instance for so many years then remember it again when I was in a new place emotionally.
This story can help us by these examples: Cry it out. Get up and Go. Learn something. Forgive! The plan for your life is beyond what you can imagine. Don't hold on to all of the past hurt because it will do you more harm. Go forth my brothers and sisters in love!
Was there ever a time where "friends" hurt you? How did you move forward & what was the lesson you learned? I would love to hear it.
with love,
D.