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Our Virtual Baby Shower...During a Pandemic!!!

As you all know, our lives turned upside down in March 2020 when COVID-19 hit! We were all forced into a shelter-in-place, some places had curfew and it was just a strange time. Many lost their jobs and one thing I was thinking about was how to keep myself and this pregnancy safe!

I had JUST announced that we were expecting…DAYS before quarantine! I knew for sure by the time we were ready for baby showers, this would all be a distant memory! oh, how wrong I was!

My husband attended our very first ultrasound at 8 weeks, and our 12 week prenatal appointment, but after that I was on my own. My husband was no longer able to join me at appointments due to hospital COVID restrictions.

Fast forward to week 31 of our pregnancy! It’s our first virual baby shower! I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to have a virtual shower, I knew it just wouldn’t be the same! The night before our shower, my husband asked if I was excited…I couldn’t string 2-words together to answer but what I eventually came up with was something that wasn’t excitement nor dread. I was indifferent, I didn’t know what to expect and I was super anxious as to how it would all go.

Turns out…IT WAS AMAZING! People were just so happy to be there, they were engaged, asked questions, laughed with us and cracked jokes in the comment seciton! It was unlike anything either of us had ever experienced and the love just radiated through the screen!

OKAY, here is how it went down!

  1. We first set up a private Event inside Facebook. This allowed us to be in control of who saw the invitation and the personal details (like our registry & address). We invited everyone through that platform and asked for people to mark their decision (RSVP) by a certain date. Why Facebook? No time contraits or guest number limitations! Myself, my husband and a few other key family members were “co-hosts” of the event since our friends lists varied, it gave us a wider scope when sending invites. Only co-hosts could invite guests. We set the date, time, added a beautiful photo (thanks Steph) and added our registry links/information. We requested books for baby girls library in lieu of cards and added that information as well.

  2. People sent their gifts to our house. Most items were bought off of our registries and mailed to the address that I had pre-selected inside the registry when I created them. We also listed our address in the private group as some people may have trouble shopping online. We also had some people drop gifts off at our door and again, we are VERY grateful for everyone’s generosity!

  3. I posted some fun photos inside the event so folks could keep up with the pregnancy. Other people wrote sweet and thoughtful messages as well. One week (7 days) before the event date, I posted a message expressing our excitement to celebrate with eveyone. 3 or 4 days before the event I posted again, expressing how time flies and the event date would be here before we know it! On the morning of the event I posted one last time explaining the logistics. Here is that “day-of” message:

    “Good mrning! We are all set & ready to celebrate with you today! All you need to do is just come right back here to this exact event page at 2pm and join the LIVE stream broadcast. Not to worry, you can show up in your pajama lounge wear if you'd like - only our camera will be active so you can be super comfy & laid back while tuning in No need to be “camera ready” for us! Bring your snacks, beverages and libations to celebrate! See you all very soon!

    Love,

    -B, D & Baby Girl M”

  4. We streamed the event Live on Facebook - available only to those who were invited! At the time of our shower, we went into the event page and began a Facebook Live Stream. Friends and family were able to join in and view the whole thing! They left comments, introudced themselves, asked us questions and even interacted with one another in the chat function!

  5. Our Events! My husband created our baby shower agenda, an itinerary full of fun games, Polls, Questions and times to open our gifts! He planned every minute perfectly. It was so amazing he gave me permission to offer it to you all for free! Click here for your FREE Virtual Baby Shower Agenda!

    https://mailchi.mp/72f1e4f9bb6b/free-virtual-baby-shower-agenda

    For games, we utilized the “Poll” and “Question” functions inside the live event. On our end we were able to set up polls (multiple choice questions ie: “guess the Total Cost of these baby items”) where guests could select an option we provided to submit their guess. We utilized the questions (open ended response to a question we typed in ie: “guess the baby’s birthday and weight when she arrives”) for guests to share their thoughts. The Polls and Questions were entered by us then shared so guests could enter responses. It poppe dup on their screen. If guests joined via FB phone app, they answered in the chat/comment section. We had preselected friends and family to monitor the chat to gather guesses so we could select true game winners! We could also share the poll results, so guests could see how many other guests chose similar answers. It was super fun & interactive!

    For gifts, we had the gifts set up in the room the night before so that when it was event time we weren’t scrambling around the house. We alternated between answering questions, talking about the pregnancy, playing games and opening gifts so guests could remain engaged. I will link to our baby shower haul video below! if you would like a closer look!!

    During the last 5 or so minutes, I stood up and shared what my bump looked like, we have a brief nursery tour and thanked everyone for attending, sending gifts and lifting us up in prayer! It was fantastic! If guests were unable to attend or had to join late, Facebook automatically recorded the entire event and guests were able watch or re-watch the entire event. After the event ended I realized that I was able to go to that replay video recording and download it to my computer for future trips down memory lane :-)

I have to admit, I was hesitant, unsure and confused by it all in the beginning - but when began, I was able to enjoy it! When it was over, I had nothing but positive & fun memories of the entire thing that will last me and our little family a lifetime! I can’t wait to share with baby girl all about her virtual shower and all the love she received!

Thank you all so much for reading, I hope it was informative and helpful! I’ll see you all in my next one! Take care and remember to fill your cup!

With Love,

DaShanna

PS: If you’re interested in the items I share in this haul video, I linked them all in my last blog for you!

What's on my Baby Registry as a First Time Mom (Links)

Mental Health & The Church

It was the last day in our health class and I was going around the room to check off the students homework. I came across a student who had completed one assignment but not the other that was also due on this day. I looked at her and she looked back at me; I knew she had something to say. She came over and stood directly in front of me and asked if she could whisper something to me for a more private conversation. I said "sure". She leans in and says "well, I couldn't complete the other homework assignment because I'm suicidal and it is really hard for me to think about my future; I just can't! That's why it is not complete!" This student is in the 7th grade.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month!

As a PK (preachers kid) and a GrandPK (preachers grandkid), church has been a large part of my life and upbringing. Health education has become a large part of my life also in my adult years and what I have noticed, simply put, is that there is always room for improvement.

There are many facets to a persons health overall that aren't just physical. In my opinion, emotional, social, spiritual, environmental and mental health are important also and very very real. The church can offer amazing resources for believers, but I think it has become more apparent in recent years that the church can do more, especially for the younger generations.

According to MentalHealthAmerica.net, 1 in 5 adults have a mental health condition and youth mental health is worsening. Rates of youth depression has increased over the past few years from 8.5% in 2011 to 11.1% in 2014 and yet even with severe depression, 80% of youth are left with little to no treatment. Research from Stanford's Center for Youth Mental Health and Wellbeing echo previous sentiments by stating "we are in the midst of a national public health crisis among US youth" and expresses that 50% of mental health disorders have their onset by the age of 14 and 75% emerge before the age of 25. If there is something is wrong with our bodies, guaranteed we will get the message at church to pray and go to the doctor's office. But I've noticed that similar messaging around mental health is lacking. What messages are we given in church for youth and adults who are truly struggling with their mental health? This brings me to a very key point. Yes we can and we should pray, but we can pray AND see a counselor or therapist for added support. The Bible says in James 2 verse 17 says that "faith without works is dead" and the NLT version states that "faith by itself isn't enough. Unless it produces good deeds it is dead and useless".

Let's talk about trauma for a moment!

Many people have a narrow idea of what trauma is, they may even believe that their experiences took place so long ago, it doesn't matter. It does matter, if not effectively addressed it can and will manifest itself in other ways. I think it is important to note that The American Psychological Association defines trauma as "an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, national disaster. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms..." Trauma can affect a person in different ways, but first it is important to know how trauma is defined and then call it by its name. This bring me to my second point, those with mental health issues are NOT crazy! Words like these sadly continue to perpetuate the shame a stigma that surround mental health. We need to broaden our minds and our understanding of trauma so that we can be a resource to those who may need our help. Examples of trauma include (but aren't limited to): the experience of neglect, bullying, school violence, natural disaster, grief/separation, victim or witness to domestic/community violence, sexual/physical/emotional abuse or assault, serious accident, medical procedure, and more. Our youth are in front of their screens very often and seeing repeated images (or real life experiences) of shootings, dealing with the death of their friends/family members, school pressures, etc. It is time to step up and support. Here are some ideas for how.

 How can religious leaders help?

-Be prepared to address Mental Health in your congregations. Listen with a non-judgmental ear and assess risk.

-Give reassurance and information as well and encourage individuals to seek appropriate professional help also. Encourage self help and other supportive strategies too.

-Train your staff, volunteers, and congregants to model healthy coping behaviors and provide outside resources.

-Organize educational programs in addition to church service, Sunday school and board meetings.

-Keep in mind that a diagnosis does not tell you their functioning; use person-first language during communication (ex: they're depressed —> this person is dealing with depression).

-Remember that as a leader of a faith community, you help set the tone for how your community responds to these issues.

How can we do the work?

Learn as much as possible about the topic to enhance your personal repertoire of understanding so that you can help others. 

Know the signs (habits & behaviors) that a person may be struggling with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc to increase the ability to offer assistance before things progress too far. 

Reflect on your own mental health status and ask the hard questions to then increase spaces in your life for continued personal growth and improvement. 

Share with others the information obtained in order to continue being a resource person to others and raise awareness surrounding this topic. 

Be the change that you want to see in the spaces around you. Imagine someone comes to you; what lasting affect would you like to have?

As an educator, the stories I hear, the questions I receive from youth, the Facebook post I just saw about two young people in a partnership committing suicide within days of one another, and the experiences I've listened to from adults all have inspired this post. Social media and its influence on our youth is a blog post all its own (definitely on the way). Mental health affects us all, and it is vital that we don't remain silent or ignore what makes us uncomfortable. In an article entitled "12 Reasons Millennials are OVER Church", reason #9 is because "we want you to talk to us about controversial issues (because no one else is) and the author lists eleven more reasons along with solutions. The church has a responsibility to perhaps update a few things that can assist in the conversation and aid others towards becoming healthier in all regards!

If you or someone you know is living with a mental health diagnosis please know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and there is support/many resources available for you!

Let us work together to silence the shame and speak up about things plaguing our communities and remember to always be well!

Resources:

www.mentalhealth.gov, www.nami.org, https://www.apa.org/, www.silencetheshame.com

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

With Love,

-D